Does God Forgive Me Essay - 754 Words

My brother keeps a fist to his mouth at night to keep his cries from being heard while he is asleep. He still has the nightmares, though he will not admit it. He tells me without using words. I am not like him. I am a child and yet not a child, violated and changed by what has passed; I wear the pleated skirt and smile of docility, but I keep a fire stoked high and hot within. I see that which is behind us as through fractal glass, and while I can obscure it from his view, I cannot deny its heavy presence in my own. Hostility. Anger. Bruising. Shouts. Violence. Swearing. Hating. Seething. Anger. Bleeding. Clawing. Scars. I see as though down a long hallway, the light pulsing at its end, behind a door, edges†¦show more content†¦Someone is warm and near, but they are stupid and think I am sleeping. And perhaps I am. Perhaps I will wake in fuzzy footed pajamas with bells and flowers on my headboard, and there will be kisses and waffles and cartoons waiting for me in the next room. Play will not be desperate but idle, and my imagination will fly beyond this cage of fear to a land with auburn-haired princesses and gnomes and fairy godmothers. God is sobering for me, though He may be liquor for others. They pass and we go unnoticed: two huddles of blanket and sleep-smashed hair, the same as any two of the other huddles; two thin, choke-faced children in a room of thin, choke-faced children. I touch my stomach, imagine my fist a mallet and I play my ribs like a xylophone. I make music all alone, music like a dog whistle that only the most well trained of ears may hear. Magic. We are the trash and they are the garbage men, come to sort us through and sort us out and choose the prettiest and the best and the brightest of eye. I am a cur, I do not bother to flatten my sticky-out ears or wriggle my rotten teeth free of my gums or hide my thick knuckles in the pockets of my coat. I am too ugly to take home. I am the snarling puppy that is eventually put to sleep. A nice way of saying murdered. For my brother all is not lost. He is younger than I am; his eyes are blue and watery and kind. Take a comb to his hair and it will lie flat; ask him to speak and he shyly willShow MoreRelatedThe Is Like A Rope Of Sand779 Words   |  4 PagesAll this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. (2 Corinthians 5:18-19 NIV) I spoke yesterday how life is like a rope of sand. You can t hold onto it, no matter how hard you try. We also can t predict what might happen at any moment. My heart has been heavy this past weekRead MoreWho Am I1356 Words   |  6 Pagesthat easily slips away if we dont keep on polishing it up. We believe that God forgives us our sins; but also that He will not do so unless we forgive other people their sins against us. 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